I have missed being here, but I'm back now! 💃

It's funny how we don't realize the importance of certain things until they are absent from our lives. God gave us the gift of laughter to express happiness and joy, he also gave us the gift of tears to express pain and sadness. No wonder the good book says, rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn.

These emotions are extremely important. I find that as a single mom, I could get so overwhelmed that I sometimes or most times I cannot laugh hard or cry hard it's most times surface level. I try to lose myself in the moments but I unconsciously numb the feeling. So when I try to laugh so hard I remember my challenges and I then switch moods and when I feel unhappy with so many ugly emotions I try to cry because I know that crying would help me, but then I'm unable to. 

My inability to express this emotion has bothered me so much that I even began to try some triggers; like watching a tragic movie so I can cry out the ocean on the inside of me but the best I can get out is trickles of tears and nothing more. I want to cry, maybe the arms of someone I love would help, I've even tried worship but I get distracted I know the enemy is pulling up on me on this one. 

I remember a friend of mine saying she wants us to come together and just wail and cry before God and she specifically thought about me, she hasn't had that yet but I'm looking forward to it maybe healing would come from there (cry healing 😆) "Pastor pastor, for 1 year this lady was unable to cry but as we were worshipping she said she felt the hand of God upon her and now she's crying a river somebody shout hallelujah 💃🏾". As funny as this may sound, this would be a huge testimony for me right now. 

There was this day we had a worker's retreat in church and it was so filled with the power of the holy ghost that we started to intercede for each other just praying that God would come through for us, a friend of mine burst into heavy tears, in fact, she was wailing and when she was done she felt soo relieved, I envied her because I could feel all of those emotions but the tears won't come. I know that the day I would eventually cry, the tears would be unending and afterward I'd sleep like a baby. 

I'm looking forward to it. But just thinking aloud though, this is what I wish; to be in the arms of the one I love and cry out all the pain and heartache while he strokes my hair and prays for and over me. This is like the therapy I need. Unfortunately, I haven't found the one I love or rather he hasn't seen me but he's somewhere in my life right now I can feel it. 

I feel the problem I had too was always trying to be strong and not let myself be a burden to my family anymore in the process I numbed the feelings and now it's a big problem cos I then used food as the painkiller. I thought I conquered this last year, but boy! Was I wrong?!

If you can cry baby girl, please cry! let out the emotions and cry! There's beauty in the ashes.

As a single mom, are you going through this same phase? How are you dealing with it? Or have you been through this same phase? Single mom or not, how did you get through? 

Please share in the comments section.

Thank you for reading.